I still have moments where I hear a song or see something that triggers this overwhelming memory of my Dad and my whole mind is consumed with a million thoughts and feelings. My chest tightens and I have to remember how to breathe.
Then it's gone.
The thoughts used to be I can't believe Dad's gone and I will never have a conversation with him again. I don't know why but this simple thing we do every day has been so hard for my brain to comprehend that I will never do it again with my Dad. Now the thoughts are of everything my Dad will miss in my life. There is a part of me that feels like I'm just getting started, even though I've been alive for 33 years.
You can not exist in this world being positive 24/7, it's not realistic, even for me! When moments, thoughts, feelings or situations catch you off guard don't be reactive. Feel the moment, acknowledge it, stay for a moment if you feel you need to then keep moving forward. A saying I love and have said to many people going through troubles times "unless you have stopped, you're still going through".
Emotions and thoughts are just visitors, they are not who you are. You have the power and choice to decide how long they stay. If it's a happy emotion then by all means ask it to stay, heck why doesn't it move in for awhile! But feelings of sadness or hurt, I feel as humans we ask these feeling and thoughts to stay too long, we forget we can ask them to leave. When you start to really understand you have control over your feelings and thoughts it's such a powerful light bulb moment.
So yes I'm human and I have moments that take me by surprise. Memories, thoughts or people can sometimes do things to hurt you and you have no control over that. But what you do have control of is how you acknowledge it and act from it.
So Dad, yes I will have a moment and tear here and there but I won't let it consume me. I will acknowledge it, feel the moment and then charge forward and make you so proud of me. You're not here physically in my life to see all the magic I'm about to create, but I know you're here in my heart.